blogs baseball broads nothing else is all that interesting.  I dont know if i am dreading or excited to return to NY for summer.  Family will be good.  The majorotiy of my freinds wont dont live there and well one who might have come seems to have grown a bit more sensitive from what I remember, I pretty much the same level of jerk, so chalk it up to people changing on ya and let the axe fall if it must.   Ya know, some will sing you the deprarado tune to ya, sometimes literally, and yeah, suppose a steady woman should be a concern…yet i am more concerned with the few people whose compant I really enjoy.  Spread out where ever.   I have a good amount of freinds i suppose, but long like losing touch with those that take a bullet for ya.  The ones that would actually show up at your funeral.   Oh, well.  Korea’s a pretty comfortable place, I do not think I will be leaveing with a distaste for the country.  I think I will be for new pastures and be at a risk.  This is the most stable offer the world seems to be offering right now and I may have to submit to my adventurous side justify a permanent departure.   The ESL gig might be my default.  It’s almost what a job should be.  Pays my bills why I am more ocupied with my adventutres.   To adventure in a fashion that permits a good amount a freedom yet it financially responsible for the future.  What a niche that would be.  With the way the world is today, is only giving me more reason.  Not sure of its narcisism yet I often remind my self of Rushes “New World Man” though it may be much like broad astrological analysis’s on personality, where the words or lyrics in this case, one way or another explain us all.   Many don’t see the logistical issues when wonedering why I don’t settle.    How can you build a house when you refuse to decide on a plot, don’t have the cash to buy materials and grown quite occustom to sleeping in the rain?  Whats the population sample of women wishing to live on a metaphorical houseboat??   Bah. I shall not concern my self with such nonsence any longer, let the fates do what they may, actually screw that…..let them not tie me to something i want no part of….and besides that..what ever.

Happy Birthday to me.

Let’s see.   Crap with N.Korea….those of us on the peninsula are comparatively unconcerned.   People have to understand the war never ended and this crap has been going on for decades and us visitors, well do what the romans do.    Think I may have kicked this systematic candida garbage.   Gorged myself on Christmas will no ill effects.  In stead of worrying about gaining weight like everyone else, i get to gorge to gain the weight I lost on the diet.   Powers at be, the good lord has granted my co pilot to stick around far some more time.  Which is, what’s “Man with cat” with out the cat?   Rubbish.

Another year, and more one settles into their skin.  Without ever dating one, i find myself over Korean women.  Not my type.  I find them, well, not my type.  There may and probably will be exceptions but I don’t hold myself to “having to taste to local cusine” type of thing.  I don’t care.  Besides the cultural differences, if one cant pick up what i’m putting down…well I ain’t exactly a simplistic person and I dont think I could fit myself into a korean/english CliffNotes for them.  I’m a gabber, not a groper.  They in a generalization have their own set of immature traits that I could see to be very annoying.   That’s all about that.   Seems the plan to student teach and get and MA while over here is indeed possible.  My god, a scheme of mine falling seemlessly into place?  Perhaps I slipped into an alternated demension and not just across the world.   But all things of course are tentative.   I probably could use a good girl…but that just the hollidays talking.  Could you imagine?  At a given moment I could be singing, writing, cooking, cleaning, playing on the computer….at the same time.   I like working out, going out with the boys unhindered……I play the guitar on the toilet.    Imagine hearing “Black bird” every time I was on the crapper.  Think that might ruin the song for a gal no?  Am I fit for cohabitation?   Got a taste of it, a bad one.  I dunno.  I think trophy wives aren’t stupid.   A little shy on the dignity or moral side, but they aren’t dumb.    Still dont know much hangul (korean)  I, may have my strengths.  Intuitive thinking, analytical thinking, spacial reasoning, a wide web of cognitive complexity, YET, as far as language congnition, remembering a damn word of another language….and am as dumb as a rock.  That and advanced math, christ.   math yes bores me, but id like to know some languages, but I can never remember jack.   Why study?  I could study two sentences for a week and come monday, gone*.   Well, so it be, 31 cusp of a new year.  Totally still a malcontent with the world in general, but as for my little bubble there are now complaints.  And as age slowly takes away the good fight (or futile rage) from this serial non conformist I can say I am quite peachy in general.

Heading into another winter. This time being a few blocks from work will make everything much nicer. Finally and gave in and bought a motorcycle. It will be a nice learner for me. Way things seem to be going it will be good to be prepared for economical choices. Though, I am not complaining. I am in a relatively sweet position to the point that if I was at the casino, I’d be pretty content on walking out with my current standing. I suppose I should say something about Korean culture, meh, seems like a pretty same place. Some friends went to a home made rice wine contest. Impossible back how, considering the laws people would be breaking. No, there are not much for drugs but they do like their booze. Have not yet really pursued the Asian Persuasion. Drunken hook ups and broken Knoglish isn’t my game. I am a talker, that’s how I figure out how the girl is crazy or not and how a communicate, I grope with words rather than with hands. So I commit the sin and failed my gender for not yet having dated a Korean gal. I am just starting to see them as women and not as Korean. It’s not much of a concern for me. After the initial xenophobia you experience, one doesn’t notice much negative reactions. Curious looks here and there but since I am not in the sticks or walking arm and arm with one of their women nearly all interaction is positive. Perhaps its because we are here as teachers and have to be an educated sort there’s more of a rational trust factor. They know what we are about to a certain extent and perhaps less likely to receive some of the behavior a immigrant may get in the states. I hear the attitude towards the immigrant factory workers are not as pleasant. People are people but I will tell you honestly that I don’t miss the brash and ignorant behavior of the north American guido, the whole ghetto rich attitude of the “Urban seen”, and no that is not racist because I especially mean those white suburbinite ghanstas. Obnoxious behavior of some of the US women, all the morons with brainless political beliefs. I dont have to hear any of that collective trash, and after awhile you notice it. That life is more pleasant when you don’t have to deal with all those who watch too much tv. I don’t know any better if they are posurs or not, but they aren’t in your face and aren’t openly as needy for attention or self esteem. But. I just may not know any better. Life as a ghost aint too shabby.

If there was any inclination at all to return to the states at the end of the year it was quickly erased after those election. Whatever side, people, priorities, ignorance….wow. Usually the US ex pats are pretty educated, well rounded people and it seems we are at varying degrees of embarrassment, but for the most part its just a joke. We could be coming from zimbabwe or something worse like..Canada.
But no way can I go back to that many weirdos. Something in the water over there? Ah, nope. Here i will settle for some stability, safety, and most importantly the lack of bullshit. The info overload. Man, that thing going on back home corporations peddling worthless shit, worthless people babbling mundane and usually incorrect crap. The fee’s the costs of every freaking thing. it’s not fun there. People are snobby when they have nothing to be snobby about. They love to be devisive and they believe whatever they want to believe. I feel like I am a Roman in Alexandria as Rome starts to crumble. (they actually did have something in their water supply its suspected) Keep the passport and stay they fuck away. Starting to understand powerful people though, the apathy, sometimes the masses ask for it??? Anyhow. I have all that I need and a bag a chips at the moment. As I learn to be less concerned for my home land the happier I get, indifference can be a good thing.

Easy does it

So I don’t write in a while. That is a good sign. Busy I should be doing more novel type things but learning the guitar, blogs, and I admit some cpu games and downloaded movies take up some time. Working back into shape and having to cook to keep on a strict diet. Which I will say if you like to cook is worth the work. Anyhow, being in korea you can do this. The school paying for the apartment comes in huge, especially since Cleos care takes a little bit on cash. Other than her unpleasant visits to the vet once or twice a month she is happy and loves her wall length window. She spends the days sunbathing and the nights watching me buzz around. The expat life has taken hold. The US is just so prohibitive. How could one possible survive going to school and working. Things cost too much and the whole myth of freedom to move up is finally being shown to all. I can be quite bitter about the occurances of the last decade. When who second guesses himself as I used to had over analyzed things to death can still be honest with himself and say he had the vision of the present day a decade sooner with the clarity of a clarivoyant it twists their head. Two things, the whole depression crap through my youth and my ability as a young man to be basically a head of the world but still failing miserably too take advantage pretty much leaves me unable to relate to many. Fully experience self hatred, arrogance, genius, stupidity and the acceptance of each puts me in an ideal spot. I line up other the paths I chose not to take and analyze the logical out comes of what would, could and should have happened with what could should and possible from where I stand now, I win. People have called me crazy, and I proved them all wrong. Not rich not successful as far as the status quot is concerned, but that where all that mind talk I mentioned above comes in, I don’t give a shit.
Are expats practicing escapism? A little. Are they setting up and plotting for bigger moves? Also possible. Perhaps they just have found a more comfortable place in purgatory. A place where they can see a bit of the world, and in my case not have to hear the mass’s of idiots on the mass media in the states. I watch movies, and tv with no commercials, no salesmen, lawyers, ball busting cops, bullshit trends and the idiots who follow them. No sensationalistic bullshit. Its as iff there were a million tv’s blasting away with snow and someone just unplugged them all. Now you are left to you’re own devices and can choose what to plug in at your leisure. You leave home, and look back at the “townies” often in amazement. You leave the country and look back with the same amazement. Do I miss America? No. I miss some beaches, bbq’s. Home is where the heart is no? Home is where you rest your head and where your mind wanders. Home is no town no country. No sir, I bitched about what was going to happen ther for years and all called me nuts, I escaped by the skin of my ass, they can sit on it. The only thing my chicken little act got me beside worry and heart ache was escape to a place where I can ignore and be ignored. So I am done with stressing on the return. Like a leaf in the wind doing enough to find a new gust is all. Anytime one can work on that creation that is themselves happily with little regret or stress, that person should find themselves blessed. The powers at be has delivered me from many things its time to enjoy wide eyed and to see what else they have in store.

A difference in eating. In the west you indulge in 1-5 flavors. a pizza. steak, maybe a sauce. Yes each flavor is a combination of several flavors by never the less you are dealing with a few primary flavors. In korean dining, as far as a sit down restaurant you will have several side dishes. From different broths to pickle leaves that resemble compost. Lots of different flavors. Many dishes that look simple because one thing may look like a root and the other a mushroom, you have an idea of what your eating by its look, in contrast of someone who never knew what spaghetti was having to guess what the sauce was made of. Thought the food looks simple I am guessing much of it takes more preparation than one may initially suspect. While eating you can experience 20 to 30 flavors.  Many of the cuisine involves the food being cooked right there whether it be a mushroom soup boiling in from of you,, and octopus soon to be boiled in from of you or various meats thinly cut and put on the grill in front of you to pick off dip in a sauce or wrap in lettuce.    The foot can be spicy at times. Most of their time their heat isnt all that bad, you can taste what your eating as oppose to the idiots who throw tobasco on everything completely killing off the flavor of what you’re eating. if its spicey and not cajun or asian then it’s just stupid.

Town center: most town centers vary little. The urban sprall from seoul goes on for seemingly forever where cities and districts are a matter of lines on a map. Even though the are 10 to 20 story building everwhere thaey manage to fit in ore trees than I have seen in pure suburbia in the US. The city center is always lively on nice days, close to a large park with courts and track and an odd walking path that i believe is supposed to hit all the pressure points on your feet as you walk it. i did it with some and it was painful, yet i think i felt better after. The city center has to fountains where children can play in. A series of jets shooting fro the groud at one and the other arches with jets shooting down with a circular running mini lazy river where they can dip their feet or trapes about. Doent seem like a cold place at all. It actually made me think of the people in US suburbia as cold. Not sure why, just think it would be weird seeing suburbanite americans being as comfortable piled on top of one another. No real basis on that thought though. I feel the people to become more and more pleasant. I dont get as much of the bigotry I hear others speak about.

I tend to be a bit of a cartoon, everyone love micky mouse. Either walking the cat or running about in shorts and a sleeveless shirt with the long hair out. I have a little bit of a more independent style than some of the other foreigners. Not a week goes by where some one, from any demographic in age or sex will tell me i am handsome. How could you not like these people, their taste is wonderful. Even in Boracay the locals visiting from other parts of the phillipines would ask me to pose for photos. I think its nice to trip out the locals wherever i go as much as they trip me out.

So, I am given little writing assignments from time to time which most likely are never read.  Yet, if you are to stay home on a school day in which they have nothing for you to do you must do a page per day.  For a few extra days in Boracay why the hell not.  So my paper.

A Western Comparison of Filipino and Korean Cultures

In a comparison of two nations in where one relies much more on tourism it is expected to find the attitudes towards foreigners to be drastically different.  With foreign currency going a long way in the Philippines there is good reason for the locals to be as friendly as they are.  Yet even on a personal level, where there is no transaction to be made the people of the Philippians are generally much friendlier. This is also due to the high level of English fluency found there. The locals can satisfy their curiosity of the various foreigners for many of the visitors even if not from an English speaking nation are still fluent enough to communicate.  I had a beautiful blonde friend who just so happened to know Tagalong and this impressed the locals greatly. They had trouble fathoming a foreigner knowing their language.

In Korea the population is not as fluent and with a cultural tendency toward xenophobia. Foreigners are often looked at with more suspicion. Even with drastically different approaches to western culture both nations have a similar balance between their traditional culture and the modern world homogeny that is often incorrectly called in my opinion “western culture.”

Considering that one country is an island chain and the other a peninsula it comes to no surprise that both communities have an extensive fishing industry.  The Filipino prices are a bit cheaper.  A larger array of tropical fish is aligned in the market where as Korean fish markets have a larger array of mollusks, eel and invertebrates.

For a visitor Korean food is most likely safer considering the temperate climate and more modern sanitation standards.  Not insinuating Filipino food in unsafe but implying that Korean traditional food will be easier on a foreign stomach.

Also much more affordable are the prices of beef and pork.  Western style dishes are more prevalent than in Korea and unlike Korea they do not make and noticeable cultural mark on the foreign cuisine. For example, the corn and liquid cheese found in pizza. Yet, if you were to go the highly touted Mall of Asia in Manila and walk into their food court you will see that their cultural food is dominant even in a setting that one would think is primarily western. With in you seeing all sort of chain stores from all over the industrialized world.  Ads with whites, Filipino and also some Korean celebrities. It is designed for an international market even though 95% of the people with in are Pilipino.

The mall itself is much like a ritzy mall you could find in the west but once leaving it you are quickly reminded it’s a developing country with its haphazard traffic and urban area which resembles a mixture or post war and pre construction.  Getting around you can pick up a cab, (which nice locals will remind you to get a metered one) or jump on the back of very small, odd looking buses with several other people and pay only 15 pesos. There are also the trikes which are small motorcycles with an attached cart which is the norm if not only way to go in places like Boracay yet seem to be a bit risky in a city setting like Manila.

Transportation through a city or across country can seem adventurous at times and is not a comparison for an industrialized country like Korea with its subways, intricate taxi and bus systems not to mention the number one rated airport in the world two years running. Of course cabbies will be cabbies and one English speaking taxi driver tried to convince me that buses no longer went to Gunpo and I would have to pay him over a hundred thousand won to get home.

Both countries have a rainy and dry season yet Koreas dry season is can be quite cold while the Philippines which are closer to the equator can be hot to absolutely ideal by the sea.  The sea’s surrounding the Philippines, (Philippine, Mindanao, South China and Sulu) are again due to its location closer to the equator much warmer. There is a height salt content which makes the seas and attractive shade of blue green yet quite clear in the shallows.  You can feel the higher buoyancy one has when wading in the water.  Korea’s East and Yellow seas are a bit colder and not as much of attraction to tourists.

In general the Philippines seem like a generally happy people, hospitable and comfortable in their surroundings.  It’s another tough comparison because they would make a lot of other cultures seem a bit uptight and a little awkward.  On the beaches of Boracay the Europeans and Filipino tourist seemed the most relaxed. One because it is their home country and the second because they may never have been to such a place and are near giddy just being there.

The Chinese and Koreans, though seeming to have a good time were also found to be a bit more regimented and a little less relaxed.  That may also be a result of the many of the Koreans being on group tours.

Both countries have a strong racial homogeny.  Tourist aside there seem to be few representatives of another race. Here and there a white man from an interracial marriage.  Korea is much similar yet beside their cultural pride they have a population over 2% of there population made up of foreigners.  Most speak of the North Americans and Europeans that come over to teach yet there are immigrants from Mongolia, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, China, Thailand, Mongolia, Indonesia Japan and the Philippines themselves.  It is becoming more common to find south East Asian wives in the rural communities of Korea.  It is not a surprise for this to happen in a industrialized democracy just some are caught off guard that it is happening in the Eastern hemisphere.  Korea is in a balancing act between economic power and cultural identity.  With a greater democracy come greater influxes of cultures which will lead to small growing pains.

There is a comical difference between the acceptances of homosexuality in these two nations.  Similar to some other south East Asian countries the existence of “lady boys” is a common occurrence and often a point of humorous conversation for the tourists.  Transsexuals commonly roam the streets and night clubs of the heavily populated and or visited areas.  Mean while the Korean culture is in total denial of homosexuality.

Prostitution on the other hand in a lot more apparent in both countries than it is in the west.  In the Philippians they meander around their prey along with the lady boys in hope of deceiving their way to pay day weather through their normal business or through blackmail. They tend to be some of the biggest hazards for travelers.

In Korea no such people roam the streets but they do have red light districts in most cities which make little effort in appearing incognito as the Filipino hookers and lady boys do.

Gender roles also seem to be more relaxed in the Philippines but I believe that would show more in a more modern country and the sex trade they have going on isn’t exactly a success for gender equality.

Illicit drugs are bound to be more prevalent in Philippines and though illegal, the locals seem to have a market for them. Yet, they don’t seem to have the drinking culture that Korea does.

All in all, the Philippines are a better place to visit, especially for the adventurous but Korea most likely a better place to live.

Crazy is a relative term.   I for one have several forms of neurosis that help make my chemistry.  Only difference between a great many and I is that I am aware of them. Hell even embrace them.  If any God complex I may have is supported by the fact that I am quite self aware, or enough to recognise it after the after the fact, “oh boy, look, slight self esteem issues and a fear of commitment. lets put that on the shelf next to buried scars and hidden resentments. Oh actually put the hero on one side and jesus frustrations on the other, and ah, perfect.  Perhaps I should get some snow globes.

Of course, crazy people don’t know they are crazy.  But if you are aware of what makes you crazy, you might not be crazy but can identify crazy.  Even normal people crazy, you know basically normal but you can have a reasonable accurate guess what they act a certain way.  Some seem to have no glaring things, not that I look for them, they just tend to jump out at cha.  Which shames me when I do ever rub one the wrong way, because i should better. Hell I do know better.  Easily identify where they are coming from and a do not adjust accordingly.

Yeah, meet people and they seem to have just as much depth and intelligence maybe even more. But in a mass, god, stupid crazy creatures.

Any who, I think I have identified a few more complexes.

Mama always said I did not like change.  Complete caniption over change, didn’t care for home remodeling or new cars as a child.    I am still that way.  I only get new things if it isn’t broke and I can’t jerry rig it.  Pretty brand loyal.

I have stuck with friends, girlfriends, job’s way longer than I should have.  At the same time I do have a “just give me a reason” streak.    Fear of being locked into a profession or relationship, anything thats going to rob me of this vast world of experience.    Makes sense, one with such an issue may persue relationship doomed from the start no?

Tricky tricky, how the sub conscious works.  Mean while I have had many plutonic girl friends that I never even gave a chance.  Could have, perhaps should have, but didn’t.  I liked them too much.  Didn’t want to risk hurting them, losing the friendship.  Also too normal to give into any attraction.  If anything they got judged harsh, let see how many reason we can think of for not dating so and so.  Now lets think of as many reasonable to date or stick with some trashy coo coo.

So yeah there seems to be fear issues.  Of commitment, self esteem, basically I say I am not worth the risk getting hurt by taking away the option.  I talk this on the shelf off the shelf stuff once in the while, but I think I have always been on the shelf.

So I suppose I can still be honest and true, perhaps more and put it out there, eventually you may lose many of these as friends, you know they get a man and you got to go to the way side cause thats the way things go sometimes.  I wonder if I should apply for one of those “diners cards”.    I still think I have a little of a thrill seeker thing going on, I just have to stop finding those thrills by persueing loonies, which I have been doing pretty well with so far.

Christmas was nice. Had dinner with some new friends. Canadians, Americans and Kiwis oh my.Made a vat load of soup and others provided a turkey and all the trimmings. Very nice indeed. My birthday I spent recovering then traipsing around Seoul. Very long night but a lot of fun. My co teachers brought me to a traditional korean restaurant. The dinner consists of many small dishes of delicate flavor. I could tell there was more preparation at this level than what I normally find around here. Korean food in general does not look like it should take too much preparation but I am getting the impression that much of it happens to take more than the raw looks suggest. It was a very tasty meal.

There are times in your life where you stop tolerating some things while accepting others. Start or end habits. Find new ways of thinking or cease to think the same way you had been. What has changed by 30 besides some physical ailments?

The last four months have brought about many changes. I no longer second guess myself or tolerate being called “crazy”, “negative” or “opinionated’ because those people are ALWAYS wrong. Why wrack my brain reanalyzing things for heads that can’t even pick up what I am putting down?

I no longer suffer crazy people, condescending people, ignorant people or those who generally bore or annoy me. I am sticking to the smartest and/or wisest i can find who can make me think, validate or  destroy a thought.

The condescending are a trip that most tolerate but its good to throw it back at them sometimes.  There is a huge difference between being open and saying how it is and being negative with logic based on assumption. A type’s who are convinced they know everything because they listen only to attack and they never actally hear you. You can’t be aggressive with them and you can be passive aggressive either. But throw it back, let their panties get in a bunch and walk off leaving them to stew. Don’t be condescending in return but just say what is. It’s seeing the dog and saying, “hey, you’re a dog.’ Watch it growl and chase its own tail.  Don’t expect them to change or ever shut up. Everyone should see how it is to be treated like they treat others.  It’s good to throw it back or to remove any such behavior that may effect you because over time all the negativity collects like plaque on ones psyche and it’s not good for you.

Crazy people can be fun if you don’t let them get you in trouble. But if you get too close there will be trouble, drama and you may go crazy as well. Arms length from crazy. Is a good rule to live my.

Ignorant people. You can’t educate them too much, can’t save them. Some maybe but when they have their own ignorant opinions they got them due to other character flaws. Just a waste of time, I won’t even talk to them for the most part and I can talk about anything to anyone so you know their ass is ignorant.

I removed a lot of pressure off of myself and do not mistake it for complacency. Second chances and the benefit of a doubt are no longer my nature. I let my cynicism take more control of my actions than my wishful thinking or compassion.

I am more responsive and appreciative to compliments. Strangers don’t hand them out easily unless your famous or a pretty girl.  Yet I get them enough to probably balance any quick judgements made about me.  Being judged by others never made me change anything i did but at this point I don’t care al all.  Adversely I am more likely to take a complement to heart and respond which is a far cry from my younger years where I would either dismiss the kind words as smoke up my butt or call the person crazy for thinking such a thing.

Took a week off from the gym only to tear up my rhomboid my first day back. You know the spot, higg up over the scalpula where those big knots start. So i am benched for another week. Doing physical therapy involving acupuncture, electronic suction cups, (electrolosis?) heating pads and some other thing where they put a mentholated goo on you and roll something that feel like little pin pricks but what i believe to be more eltectrical stimulation. I feel like an NFL player. I have no clue what i would be paying for such a thing in the US. I dont think it would be thought of to take care of a pulled mucsle to prevent further or later injury. I tcost me 6,000 won a session. Less than 5 bucks and it works real well. I have pulled that area before but the way it went and the aftermath i think i have a small tear.
Finished thanksgiving dinner last night. Got five largemeals out of it. I also have a a stocked freezer after a trip to cosco. Cosco I believe would be a great date place. If your bringing another x pat that is. You can learn alot about someone in their process of tearing through a cosco. What they like, what they value more, cheese or some other rarity. I told my friend if I had a girl Id set her loose there with 200,000 won for christmas. He replied to me that she would gain 20lbs by new years. Could be a possibility, I myself came home with about 6 kilos of cheese, ham, 50$ worth of austrailian steaks, tortillas, etc. What a fun time. My concern now is Christmas. Though my head is still pretty solid, loneliness tends to creep in from time to time. Not only that it will be the big 30. I either am gonna have to be real nice to myself or do something epic. My friends are all over the freaking place. The way I am, i am not into the clicks, i suffer no morons, and am done with crazy. I don’t think Ill be “surrounded by friends” till my deathbed. But we will have to see what happens if and when i settle down in one place for a while.
What ever i whip up, it will have to take some creativity.
Publisher the ever optimist, says the new “avatar” movie may be good for us. i still havent gotten my copy sent to me because more people wanted to see it. Wouldn’t that be a kick in the pants, a good one that is. If something comes from it all. Over time, I realize more and more that I am not the crazy one, yet the world is full of them. There has always been a method to my madness but i have learned more and more about it. Sometime one can believe they make themselves only to find out that they were always a certain way, and the flight plan had been set for a long time. Coming to grips with the feeling of impotence. You feel as if you can do better than many. One could handle power and responsibility but hapless to find ways to get there. But was that in my flight plan. I would be a good at handling power basically because I am not the type to seek it out. Nomadic philosopher whose contemplations lead to pity, contempt, wonder and the fear of oblivion. So many many things seem somewhat unreachable or hopelessly mundane, so only the amazing found in the simple and the simple found in the amazing become a the entertaining pursuit until the final mystery come to an end.